Saturday, March 04, 2006

of men and mice, of love and lies

that feeling of being young and old at the same time comes creeping in.
he looks like he is ready to jump off and take flight and navigate with his big ears. never mind that he could well possibly bounce off the ground as well. and i want to be able to do that as well. to jump off the edge and feel the heady rush. but i've gotten old. known the meaning of pain and i hesitate.

i felt the process of growing old: being hit by waves of nostalgia ever so often. hearing about the release of the A level results, knowing that the j3s are going through the exact same thing i experienced a year ago. the adrenaline rush, the tears before and after. i know i'm getting older when i feel that proud welling of my heart when i know the j3s bettered our 'best in 20 over years' results and feel goddamn proud to be a rafflesian. And how things have changed. i heard on the grapevine that rj now has its own atm machine and subway and sushi.

law school is a landmine. learn fast and remember hard. the work load is unrelentless. navigate your way through a tricky web of relationships and yet run the risk of stepping on a landmine and have that blowing up in your face. law school is unforgiving. I feel raw in doing all this. It was never this way for me previously. I guess i still have lots to learn. for all those times i yearned for someone to hand hold me, i guess, the best person to do it is still myself.

love is a tricky topic. i've had alot of revelations about love in the past months. that sometimes, love really just isn't enough to keep 2 people together. that sometimes, honey, all you need is to lower expectations and be realistic. something's gotta give. that maybe i've been not quite the low maintenance girl i thought myself to be. that maybe on this playing field, there has been enough debris. and it should stop. that i pray one day i don't discover a love locked inside of me all this while and not know. that it is possible to have more than one person in your heart at a time. being a good law student, i justify my statement from lavan's blog:

"The one you are with should be the one you love the most. But the ones whom you have loved before, you will find that you still have space within your heart for each and every one of them.

How naive it would be to think that a limit could be pegged on the heart's capacity to love and contain love. The human heart, like Love itself, is boundless."


jamie cullum couldn't have put it any better:
too young to hold on
too old to break free and run

wen at 7:49 PM

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