Friday, April 08, 2005

i need a soldier

It was harder than I thought it would be. Knowing that from now on I will have to be satisfied with a few hours together every 2 weeks or so. When something’s become an almost permanent fixture in your life, when its removed.. there’s an emptiness that needs to be filled. It didn’t sink in really that he was off to the NS until yesterday.. reading his letter, watching him get ready to go off. Hrumphs. I’ve got to be so much more emotionally independent.. its got to be back to the days when it was just me and my girls before he came along. Waiting by the phone last night was quite disconcerting.. wondering if he would have the time to call before 1030.the phone call which eventually came was made up of a few words and then he had to go. Maybe we should devise some short form for phone calls. Ha. Saves a whole lot of my phone bill- him being on Tekong. My phone bill is gonna be at an all time record low.
Truth to be told, I do think NS is good for the boys though I think half of them didn’t exactly believe every single word on the screen when they took the oath of allegiance. Or maybe they did.. just for those few precious moments.
I actually got reminded of OBS on the ferry to Tekong.. just smiled to myself at memories of kayaking the whole day to Sembawang from Ubin.. grouchy from kayaks bumping into each other, barely avoiding getting whacked by other people’s oars, eating biscuits that were salty from the sea water, feeling sea sick, battling jumping fishes and wondering where the @$#@ they were hiding in the recesses of our kayaks.. watching the sun rise from our kayaks.. I wanted to escape into those memories again. Saw the green-blue expense of the sea, the foam on the crests of the waves.. seeing islands along the horizon.. a plane in the equally azure clear sky.. and all I could think of was freedom.. devoid of worries. What an odd place to find that. Between the regimental tekong complete with orders and commands which must be strictly adhered to and main land where it was back to responsibilities and the mundane worries of everyday life.

Anyway, there was the tour of the recruits’ bunks.. seeing their field pack.. getting reassured that they will be treated well… ( the word well is relative isn’t it?) sampling of army food (to lift off from the programme sheet) which wasn’t too bad.. seeing my slack senior walking around with his equally slack friends.

Saying bye was brisk.. possibly to mask emotions.. shrugs. Everyone I talked to on msn last night was asking me /telling me that he’s gone to NS.. asking me if I was upset. I hardly knew how I felt really.. the usual mopey, mushy stuff and yet there was this part of me.. excited, confident.. at reorganizing my life around this change. Its just one of the many that’s going to come. I’m single with strings attached. (sorta) its time to reconnect with myself and my girls.. be independent, and cool abt the whole thing..

Righto and I’d better get back to work.. before I start feeling guilty of slacking around when my bosses are not around. (not) the latest her world mag is just right next to me.. ha.. and i just got treated to a yam pie.. gawd i'm eatin so damn much. i just had subway n one oatmeal cookie..

wen at 3:32 PM

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