Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Legal Theory is screwing up my brain.

many sides of me.

A re-ordering of affairs is in the works. According to Finnis' 7 basic goods or his 9 aspects of practical reasonableness? Seriously, it is not entirely bull, what these fellows say, though they do inspire much for future pet names, like Radbruch and Alexy. According to a couple of these dead guys,especially Finnis, there is always both an internal aspect, as when one strives to bring one's emotions into the harmony of an inner aspect of mind and an external aspect when one strives to make one's actions authentic, in relation to the rest of society.

So I've realized, that maybe I've been living, not as who I really am. That everything is really a facade, not in the sense that it is entirely false, but in the sense that the 'me' that everyone has been hanging out with is really a result of a conflict of the internal and the external. In the process of attempted self-determination, maybe I lost the plot with regard to self-realization and self-awareness. So there is this prenniel conflict and this is no exception. Trying to take the path of least resistence, and so there is this happy fluffy side of me that people come to know, and yet at the same time, I harden with the passage of time to protect what is really the marshmellow-softness of me inside. Its a practical move like how people obey unjust laws, just so as not to screw up the entire legal system (though i doubt that is the real reason). For the past few months, I've been on an emotional roller coaster that only a close few would know. If I didn't retreat into my shell, who was going to protect me? I suppose, previously, I always had a protector by my side, so I was free to be all soft and fluffy. But why want to expose when there is another alternative? At the same time, there is an attempt to live and not bother about what other people think. Being happy and fluffy was an attempt at trying to flesh out the more 'real' side of me but it got contaminated along the way.
I guess it came out all wrong.
Everything was just the result of contradictions.
At the end of all these, all I want to say is that the 'new' me doesn't mean that the 'old' me is dead. She's still in there somewhere. So don't come to conclusions on who I really am just yet. Hold your horses.

Disclaimer: This entry doesn't mean that I'm confused or unhappy alright. Quite the contrary in fact.

To an old friend, time doesn't validate friendship. I love you still.We'll catch up after the exams.
To another old friend, I think a good talk needs to be in the works. :)

wen at 12:25 PM

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