Thursday, April 28, 2005

madness.

american idol is getting insane. its becoming a travesty.
I left the tv screen the moment I heard that Scott was not in the bottom 3.

got this in the mail :

I'm not Lonely

i'm not lonely
sleeping all alone

you think i'm scared
but i'm a big girl
i don't cry
or anything

i have a great big bed
to roll around
in and lots of space
and i don't dream
bad dreams
like i used
to have that you
were leaving me
anymore

now that you're gone
i don't dream
and no matter
what you think
i'm not lonely
sleeping
all alone

-- Nikki Giovanni


how poignant.

wen at 10:31 PM

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Monday, April 25, 2005

wind me up and see how i go.

i'm still reeling. from my driving lesson and the weekend.
a different car with a different instructor but with a cool no. 7 meant feeling all wound up on the roads for the first time. having some truck tailgating me.. a dog running across my path.. being nagged at about my blind spots..
and then rushing back so as not to be the last car meant going at more than 50 km/h. to think before that i was trying to keep at 40 and now I was responding to calls of "more power! more power! ah.. quick quick! don't be the last car.. must chiong!"

the weekend was just "rush rush",making the best of whatever time I had on my hands and major pigging out sessions.. oh the horror.
so much for my attempts at detox today.growls.

mon has been good.

but my weekends are better.

wen at 11:08 PM

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my army boy. Posted by Hello

wen at 11:08 PM

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Friday, April 22, 2005

you feel me?

I think I totally switched off during the philosophy section of GP during my JC days. I avoided all essay topics on that unless I didn't have a choice at all. Sure, all those theories on their own were interesting but put them all together and think about them more and it just means a mega headache. Everything seems to make sense and at the same time it doesn't.I kinda just skimmed through everything I supposed.

But I just finished Albert Camus' The Outsider.. (I think it is on one of Evan's lengthy booklists. Funny how I used to wonder what he would think abt each book I read considering that book reviews were at stake.And I think that sometimes, this shadow still lingers around.So... he would approve huh. why I bother I have no idea)and I think I was so dense I gained so much more insight from reading just those 2 pages of afterword than the whole book. But I suppose it did get me thinking. To be accepted in this game called Society, your reactions to things are conditioned to conform with the norm.. saying more than is true,and in the case of the human heart, saying more than one feels. We all do it, every day, to make life simpler. and its so damn true. To have everyone totally honest about their emotions is an ideal. But to have them 'stretch the truth' a little sometimes is a lubricant essential. To detach from worldly desires.. hur. reminds me so much about lit..

but yes that wil be good. somehow i've been seeing so much and hearing about so much competition nowadays and blog surfing and reading about people wondering about finding meaning. I think sometimes, competition comes to a stage where it becomes meaningless and just stifling. People lose sight of what is important.
i mean after awhile in the working world... i see people just living for the weekend to come round.
******
In other news.. its friday! and the weekend's here. alls good.Just that I think, its time I get down to thinking abt my law interview and mugging my final theory and doing more of my personal reading and spending time on some 'project' i set for myself.. and yes time for all the people i love.. time time time.

huh. now this is seriously a clash of east and west. some horoscope thing i read at work based on the chinese animals said that as a tiger i'm supposed to hate the law..
while.. as a scorpio, given my nature, i'm suited for criminal justice..
hmmm.

wen at 11:25 PM

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

i can get no satisfaction

ah. the essential human condition
Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.

wen at 8:28 PM

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mag.wing.me Posted by Hello

wen at 8:19 PM

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my eye candy doing lunges :) Posted by Hello

wen at 8:18 PM

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argh..whats that hurtling towards me.. Posted by Hello

wen at 8:16 PM

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whats cool:

1. seeing yummiclicious NZ all blacks eye candy at rugby sevens. [ girls were tryin to take his pic. i wasn't the only one]
2. seeing a few all blacks shopping at heeren yesterday
3. seeing an old man giving his wife a peck on the lips in orchard road
4. seeing old couples having a nice breakfast at swensons [thats what i call knowing how to enjoy life]
5. a macdonold's breakfast to brighten my day
6. its a wednesday and the weekend is just around the corner
7.he gets to book out for a while today[i like his pc already..] cuz of some scholarship talk i.e. i get to see him for awhile.
8. learning that my ex coach has a love interest n he's quite a looker
9. looking forward to my saturday- mentoring,dance,driving n him
10. its lovely weather today n just being thankful for all of the above and everything else.

wen at 9:33 AM

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A matter of fact

A common environment seems to me an issue of convenience. People get conveniently thrown together and then they make friends. Being out of that common environment i.e. RJ changes things. It seemingly removes a need that people have. Being in school, people felt more of a need to stick to the people they were familiar with.. people in class, in the same cca.. being out of school, one tends to say hi to those you've probably only made eye contact with but never felt the need to say hi to. Maybe by being out of school people don't have that usual group somewhere within a 1 km radius to return to and hang out and this means they bother to say hi to other people. shrugs. Correct me if I'm wrong. But once that backdrop of school is removed, people also drift apart. That lowest common denominator is now replaced by ?. People you probably used to hang out with by default now drift away. Both parties probably never clicked in a way you wished they had. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.

Somehow the same process replays over and over again.. just like how it was with my primary school best friend/s. Funny how "friends forever" was dispensed out of everyone as easily as buying those polar biscuits from the school canteen. hur. who were we kidding.

But I guess, it also reaffirms the friendships that you have and had.. those people who meet up regularly... just call and say.. lets go for a meal. Guess after graduating, I've talked to people whom I never really had a proper conversation with in those 2 years there.

my girls.. those who just spend simple pleasures like a meal together with me.. at the turkish place at far east,marche during my lunch hour which i dragged to make it one and a half for them, spinellis, going for dance classes and rugby sevens together, making enthusiastic plans for a movie and a manicure cum pedicure then suddenly realizing.. whoops, the guys will be out on the weekend...

thank you all.

wen at 2:55 PM

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Thursday, April 14, 2005

listen..

decisions decisions decisions. when will we ever be free.
i don't want to regret this decision .this move. it concerns everything and anything.
but i just gave them an outright no .. tell them that teaching is not wat i really want. save me the trouble going through all the tests and interview. give the place to someone who deserves it more than me. give it to someone who really has the passion and the drive. and not someone like me who seems to be just deliberating over it like it is just another option for me.like a kiasu singaporean wanting the best of everything. holding on to every single option.making sure as many doors are open as possible. but i shall not waste their time.

its not my calling at this point of time. i wish i had it in me to say that i am willing to commit myself to education. but i don't.not now.i don't want to go into something half heartedly. its unfair to all parties involved.
give this to someone who will teach wholeheartedly.

i was deliberating earlier on and its not one of my top choices of future paths.. below my SMU double degree which was offered to me.
i'm closing one of my possible options now.to spare myself the agony. to know for sure where i want to head in life. if i were to take up business/law i can go back to teaching if i want to in the future.. but not the other way round..

i may look like the teacherly sort, but i don't feel it in my heart.

wen at 11:32 PM

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

restless heart/ that some kind of wonderful

i've been attempting to fill my time. minimising possible pockets of time where i end up thinking too much. it gets draining after awhile.

i was glad to be able to have spent my last saturday with my girls.. shopping with shoba at the flea market. or rather i shopped and she watched me make whirlwind stops while shuffling along with the crowd.picking out tops for below 10 bucks gave me a heady adrenaline rush.. there's something about shopping that gives girls that wow feeling. i guess its all about getting good bargains and walking out of the store with the firm belief that whatever you just purchased is gonna up your 'attractive' factor another notch. we joined up with lydia at raffles city and actually went for a late tea.. actually it was more like starters before dinner.. but finding that 1 for 1 offer at that deli was just too hard to resist. then it was flor for dinner.. and chill out time at indochine.. the atmosphere was great..though dessert not so great but the company makde up for it.it was just nice to spend time together. its always nice to spend time with my girls.. talking about stuff.. catching up.

i wonder.. do people discriminate when they tell friends things or am i theweird one. like how you can tell A certain stuff and you tell B other stuff even though both are girls you love. its just how certain people understand certain stuff better than the rest and it makes you more at ease telling them about them. and then i think about the sex and the city quartet and they actually know every single detail about each others life and i'm like wow... thats what i call real girl frens.

i had my first driving lesson last night and it was pretty fun i must say. almost like driving daytona and its quite addictive. thank goodness for such a nice instructor though he must have been terribly amused at me cuz he burst out laughing in the middle of silence during lesson.. and it was just the 2 of us in the car.. *raises eyebrows* and he asked me if i was afraid.. afraid to accelerate the car. he must have been amused with all my sound effects.. all my "whoops" and "eeks" and "aahs".. my turnings are still dodgey..but yes i can't wait for the next lesson.

sometimes i think of myself as really silly... so malleable. so pliable. is that the truth? how much i care how people think..to be strong and independent.. it means to appear to be resilient and always happy in front of others? not to whine openly? is that wat it means to be strong? to absorb everything so that no one knows?that sucks. really.

life is good nonetheless.

wen at 9:50 PM

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Friday, April 08, 2005


one of my last photos of him with his hair *sniffles* .. its toilet brush hair thereafter Posted by Hello

wen at 9:31 PM

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jianyang at tekong [slacking.. nah i dragged him out of work] Posted by Hello

wen at 9:18 PM

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i need a soldier

It was harder than I thought it would be. Knowing that from now on I will have to be satisfied with a few hours together every 2 weeks or so. When something’s become an almost permanent fixture in your life, when its removed.. there’s an emptiness that needs to be filled. It didn’t sink in really that he was off to the NS until yesterday.. reading his letter, watching him get ready to go off. Hrumphs. I’ve got to be so much more emotionally independent.. its got to be back to the days when it was just me and my girls before he came along. Waiting by the phone last night was quite disconcerting.. wondering if he would have the time to call before 1030.the phone call which eventually came was made up of a few words and then he had to go. Maybe we should devise some short form for phone calls. Ha. Saves a whole lot of my phone bill- him being on Tekong. My phone bill is gonna be at an all time record low.
Truth to be told, I do think NS is good for the boys though I think half of them didn’t exactly believe every single word on the screen when they took the oath of allegiance. Or maybe they did.. just for those few precious moments.
I actually got reminded of OBS on the ferry to Tekong.. just smiled to myself at memories of kayaking the whole day to Sembawang from Ubin.. grouchy from kayaks bumping into each other, barely avoiding getting whacked by other people’s oars, eating biscuits that were salty from the sea water, feeling sea sick, battling jumping fishes and wondering where the @$#@ they were hiding in the recesses of our kayaks.. watching the sun rise from our kayaks.. I wanted to escape into those memories again. Saw the green-blue expense of the sea, the foam on the crests of the waves.. seeing islands along the horizon.. a plane in the equally azure clear sky.. and all I could think of was freedom.. devoid of worries. What an odd place to find that. Between the regimental tekong complete with orders and commands which must be strictly adhered to and main land where it was back to responsibilities and the mundane worries of everyday life.

Anyway, there was the tour of the recruits’ bunks.. seeing their field pack.. getting reassured that they will be treated well… ( the word well is relative isn’t it?) sampling of army food (to lift off from the programme sheet) which wasn’t too bad.. seeing my slack senior walking around with his equally slack friends.

Saying bye was brisk.. possibly to mask emotions.. shrugs. Everyone I talked to on msn last night was asking me /telling me that he’s gone to NS.. asking me if I was upset. I hardly knew how I felt really.. the usual mopey, mushy stuff and yet there was this part of me.. excited, confident.. at reorganizing my life around this change. Its just one of the many that’s going to come. I’m single with strings attached. (sorta) its time to reconnect with myself and my girls.. be independent, and cool abt the whole thing..

Righto and I’d better get back to work.. before I start feeling guilty of slacking around when my bosses are not around. (not) the latest her world mag is just right next to me.. ha.. and i just got treated to a yam pie.. gawd i'm eatin so damn much. i just had subway n one oatmeal cookie..

wen at 3:32 PM

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Monday, April 04, 2005

i can see clearly now

i could possibly rant more about today.. the weather, horrible freaking S*U office which no one bothers to answer the phone the entire day( they actually call me telling me that i've got an interview tmr and then will send a mail to me after that.. but nooo... nothing comes. i swear i'll scream if they forget about me when i walk in tmr. )working ot, not being able to go to the gym and to cap it all off having a rather disturbing bus ride home.
for starters, there was this old ah pek who was constantly clearing his throat and then proceeding to spit on the floor of the bus.. then he'll use his slippers to rub it around.. in some futile hopeful attempt at making less obvious.... erm. and there was this fat uncle behind the first one.. and when i mean fat he was fat.. [before i proceed, let be reiterate that i've nothing against varied body sizes] but he was sitting on one seat and having his feet up on the other next to him looking akin to the sleeping buddha.. unfortunately without the joviality about him. i could possibly try not to stare if he didn't proceed to dig his nose.. my goodness.. that did it for me.. i faced the both of them with my back. how can anyone allow such horrific people be on a public bus??? who knows but boogers are around on the seat or what spit is under the seat..

but i think i should count my blessings instead. to feel warmth and love on such a cold dreary day. to have warm home cooked lunch personally delivered by him to my office and then coming home at the end of the day to a nice yummy warm dinner courtesy of my mum. be thankful for the little things that make a difference.

wen at 8:51 PM

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stop it you wet sod

monday morning looked like a scene out of constantine. pitch black skies, thunder, then rain spattering on my office window blurring the defined lines of buildings outside.you wonder whats going to happen next..the temperature in the office seems to be in the sub 20s. so many people are not around today.. my boss, jennifer and a bunch of other people. thats the only reason why i'm using the com at the moment. they all seemed to pick the right day to be on leave. such a gloomy clammy day.. who will want to be out? I'm not even in the mood for anything. its not the monday blues. its the monday greys. hurhur. perhaps the big breakfast at macs has been the only thing vaguely happy. even though it was breakfast alone. and the best thing is that i didn't even bring an umbrella to work. i stupidly took it out of my bag last night. *grumble mumble*

well, he's sending lunch that he cooked over for me. seems like something a house hubby would do. but yea.. something happier on this sucky monday. [and yes, in a show of appreciation i finished every single bit of it. so now i'm doubly stuffed. on top of a mac's big breakfast]thanks!

the weekend has been quite ok.. planning to mooch around tangs cafe on sat nite which ended up into a pigging out session followed by a 10-min-in-each-shop-whirwind-window shopping-cuz they are closing- shopping experience. then it was supper at newton with him.. why do i always attract the wrong attention. looking innocently for the pau shop i like ended up with being asked by one of the store uncles:

"piao liang, ni zai zao se mo? zao ren?zao chi? zao wei zi? gao su wo.. wo bang ni zao"
no thanks dude..


Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

wen at 12:34 PM

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Sunday, April 03, 2005


lookin all pleased as pie as if it were our home. Posted by Hello

wen at 6:40 PM

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ohh.. i wish this was my room.. Posted by Hello

wen at 12:39 AM

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my luscious rose Posted by Hello

wen at 12:38 AM

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Friday, April 01, 2005

fools rush in (happy april fools)

its the 1st of april.. and no one seems to bother about it at all. does it all belong to the past? no one even mentions it anymore. i remember in rgs we would switch classes in an attempt to confuse teachers.. but they got smart.. then in rj we faced the wall for mr evan's lesson and i think we got him quite flustered and bothered.. so now, i've been just facing the laptop instead of anything else.
growing up doesn't mean u have to be boring does it?

work has been a whirlwind of typing drafts and emails for mr g; oggling at his numerous posh invites [including one to the versace fashion show] as i open his mail for him every morning; oogling even more at LHW properties which are totally drop dead gorgeous;running errands [ going to the bank, buying lunch back, buying diet coke,sending photos for development].. typing has strangely become my favourite thing to do at work. the clicketty clack of the keyboard is strangely comforting.

although work has been pretty ok so far, aside from having to wonder what to eat for lunch [anything that is vaguely healthy i.e. devoid of dripping oil and empty calories]its always nice to have something to look forward to after that. something to make you want to speed up time..

tues was a lovely night at hardrock.. good food good music. as i say, guys should dress nicely.. girls appreciate that extra effort, and that extra little surprise.. took a long walk after that along tanglin mall, all the way up to botanical gardens.it was almost devoid of pedestrians, minimal traffic, quaint english looking architecture.. for a moment i could actually believe i wasn't in singapore. botanical gardens was soo empty i got freaked instead of enjoying myself on a date.. like seriously, it was sooo dark and quiet. it didn't help that the spotlight was on some banyan tree complete with long hanging tendrils. sat at the nearest shelter to the entrance which was in front of the large pond.. well there was the occasional jogger whom i take my hat off to for such bravery running in the dark.. then this absolutely gorgeous dog.. he's so huggable! and in the dark came some figure.. and we were trying to ascertain if it was a male or female.. erp. think michael jackson.. (or at least i did)
well, i love the red rose though i would go for white most of the time. its in full bloom(still) and the velvety petals are such a deep rich hue, you just got the urge to feel them between your fingers..

wed was dinner with my darlings.. wing and flor.. at the turkish place at far east. and it sure was great attempting to make the most of our money with the salad bowl. and yes wing, we didn't lose to the other 3 guys.. our mountain of a salad was worth a run for their money. was great just sitting their chatting with them.. its been way overdue. well.. to my babes, whatever your plans may be you have my full support.. go live those dreams of yours. *muak*muak*

thurs was certainly not a very good day for me.. it was raining while i had to run errands.. imagine me carrying an umbrella, trying to hold up my pants, and holding my bag plus a six pack diet coke walking along orchard road. urgh. it was such a drag.. plus my pants got wet in the rain. as i always say, rain is only good when you're in bed or when you're snug at home with company. had tuition after work.. and i swear i'm the most unglam person around here.. i just had to trip over a drain cover on the way to my student's house and fall flat..[i hope no one saw me. i always do things like this] i cut my foot in the process and i didn't realise i was bleeding until i got to her place.. so it was certainly not a pretty sight trying to clean up after myself.

mr g keeps fri nite as date nite! even though he has like kids who are over 21.. this is the way to keep relationships going.. to keep falling in love every single day..

wen at 11:47 PM

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